Be Humorous at Yourself – Why Leaders Who Can Laugh at Themselves Get Better Results
You don't need to be the funniest person in the room. In fact, you probably shouldn't try to be.
When I talk about the fifth step of my Relationships to Results™ model – Be Humorous (at yourself) – I’m not talking about becoming the office joker.
I’m talking about something much more powerful.
Being willing to laugh at yourself.
To admit you got something wrong. To tell the story of the presentation that went badly. To acknowledge that, despite being the person at the front of the room, you don't always have the answer.
In other words: don't take yourself too seriously.
Because when leaders reveal a little imperfection, something interesting happens. The distance between "them" and "us" gets smaller. And that can have very real consequences for performance.
as “humour with a business purpose”, rather than a piece about being funny.
The £28.5 billion relationship problem
Let's start with the business case.
According to the latest Acas research, 44% of working-age adults in Great Britain experienced conflict at work in the previous 12 months. That included disagreements, disputes or difficult relationships with colleagues, managers, direct reports, customers or people in other organisations.
The cost isn't trivial.
Acas estimates that workplace conflict costs British businesses £28.5 billion a year.
That's an extraordinary number.
And here's the bit that particularly interests me.
When British businesses were asked in 2026 what helps them resolve workplace conflict informally, 58% said having a good working relationship with the other person. Fifty-two per cent pointed to a workplace culture that supports open conversations, while 45% said feeling confident to raise an issue directly helps.
In other words, relationships aren't the fluffy bit around the edges of performance.
Relationships are part of the infrastructure of performance.
And this is where being able to laugh at yourself comes in.
Self-deprecation is not weakness. There is a big difference between self-deprecating humour and putting yourself down.
Self-deprecating humour says:
"I'm human. I make mistakes. I don't have everything figured out."
Self-defeating behaviour says:
"I'm not very good at this. I'm basically useless."
Those are completely different messages.
The first can build connection.
The second can undermine confidence.
Good self-deprecating humour isn't about lowering your status. It's about becoming more human.
You might say:
"I've just spent ten minutes explaining that brilliantly… unfortunately, I've explained the wrong thing."
Or:
"I'm going to give you the benefit of my considerable experience here. Unfortunately, none of that experience applies to this particular problem."
Or simply:
"That didn't go quite as well as I had planned."
The humour isn't really the point.
The permission you're giving other people is the point.
You're saying: You don't have to pretend to be perfect around me either.
What does the research say?
This isn't just a nice idea.
Research into leadership and self-deprecating humour has found a relationship between leaders using self-deprecating humour and how effective they are perceived to be, with trust in the leader helping to explain that relationship. (ScienceDirect).
More recent research published in 2026 found that leader self-deprecating humour was associated with employee wellbeing and psychological safety, with the quality of the leader–employee relationship acting as the mechanism connecting the two. The study involved 197 participants. (Springer Nature)
And that's important.
Psychological safety isn't about making everybody feel comfortable all the time.
It's about creating an environment where people can speak up, admit mistakes, ask questions and take interpersonal risks without assuming they'll be punished or humiliated for doing so.
Think about the implications for a leadership team.
If I can say, "I got that wrong," without losing credibility, I make it easier for you to say, "I think we've got this wrong."
If I can admit that I don't know something, you are more likely to tell me something I need to know.
If I can laugh about my own mistake, perhaps you don't need to spend quite so much energy hiding yours.
That is where humour becomes a performance tool.
And Britain has a particular relationship with self-deprecation
There is also a cultural reason this works particularly well in Britain.
Research from Comic Relief in 2026 found that 68% of Brits regard self-deprecation as a defining part of British humour, while 72% agreed that people in Britain make fun of themselves in conversation because it is part of being British. (Comic Relief)
So there is something familiar about the behaviour.
But familiar doesn't mean automatically effective.
The trick is knowing what to laugh at.
Laugh at your own mistake.
Laugh at your own obsession.
Laugh at your own inability to operate the technology.
Laugh at the fact that you have just walked into the wrong meeting.
Don't make somebody else the punchline.
Especially if you're the boss.
Because when there is a power imbalance, humour aimed downwards can feel very different from humour aimed at yourself.
The 5% shift
This is why I describe my Relationships to Results™ approach as being about small shifts.
You don't need to transform your personality.
You don't need to become a comedian.
You don't even need to tell jokes.
Try one small experiment.
The next time you make a mistake in front of your team, don't rush to cover it up.
Own it.
If it feels appropriate, make a light comment about yourself.
Then move on.
For example:
"That's entirely on me. I've managed to make a very simple thing surprisingly complicated. Right, let's fix it."
Notice what happens next.
Does the room relax?
Does someone else admit something?
Does the conversation become more open?
Does somebody challenge your thinking?
Does the team spend less time managing the leader's ego and more time solving the problem?
Those are the outcomes worth measuring.
From humour to hard results
Here's where my "soft skills to hard outcomes" argument becomes important.
I wouldn't tell a client that making fun of yourself will magically generate £1 million in revenue.
The evidence doesn't support such a simplistic claim.
But we can see the chain.
Self-deprecating humour → reduced distance → stronger relationships → greater trust → more openness → better conversations → earlier problems identified → better collaboration → better decisions → better business outcomes.
Acas's research gives us a sense of the potential value sitting at the end of that chain. Workplace conflict costs British businesses £28.5 billion annually, while its more recent research found that good working relationships and open conversations are among the things businesses say help resolve conflict informally. AAcas+1
So imagine a leader who makes a 5% shift.
Not becoming funnier.
Not becoming less authoritative.
Simply becoming a little more human.
A little more willing to say:
"I messed that up."
"I don't know."
"I completely misunderstood that."
"I probably should have thought that through."
And, occasionally:
"Well… that was embarrassing."
That isn't weakness.
That's leadership without the armour.
And when people don't have to spend quite so much time navigating the armour, they can spend more time doing the work.
The real lesson
The best leaders I've encountered aren't necessarily the funniest people in the room.
They're the people who can create a room where other people feel able to be human.
They can acknowledge mistakes without drama.
They can laugh at themselves.
They can take feedback.
They can admit when they don't know.
And because they aren't desperately protecting an image of perfection, other people feel more able to contribute what they really think.
That's the real power of Step 5 in the Relationships to Results™ model.
Be Humorous (at yourself).
Not because laughter is the goal.
Because connection is.
And connection is where performance starts.
