The Master at Communication
It is vital to get on with people.
While I think I’ve managed to relate to most people at home and at work, I still found some people difficult to deal with.
I came to the conclusion that I needed to improve the way I communicated with everyone around me, both at home and at work.
I needed guidance, help, an answer.
And I started looking all over the place – books, articles, mentors. They all helped, but I felt there was more to learn. I knew I didn’t yet have the answer.
Like a lot of things, the answer was close to home. But sometimes when things are right there in front of you, you don’t see them.
My answer came from someone who was an expert at winning over people, someone who was outstanding at getting on with everyone he met. He was the most agreeable, like-able person I've ever met... and he happened to be my Dad.
The Master
My father - Peter Saunders - was a giant 6ft 6in teddy bear of a man. He was friendly, funny, playful, cheeky; full of life and easy going; loved messing around and playing the joker. He was generous with his time, his spirit and his compliments. Everyone liked and respected him – he had a knack with people.
He was one of life’s good ’uns.
But by no means was he just the playful fool. He was an outstanding surgeon and had a distinguished medical career, becoming Vice President of the Royal Society of Medicine and working with the highest in the land.
During his career, not only did he get on with the thousands of patients he treated, making them feel relaxed and comfortable in his company, he also got on with all his colleagues (no mean feat in the rarefied medical world full of egos).
Indeed, a colleague said of Dad, ‘Peter Saunders is the only doctor I know who has no enemies in the medical world.’
The Answers
So, there I was looking for answers to the question of how to improve my relationships with the people in my life, and right in front of me was my Dad – the best mentor, the best role model I could ever find.
Of course, you don’t appreciate what you’ve got until it’s taken away from you. In late 2003, Dad was diagnosed with cancer and given only months to live.
As any of you who have faced the prospect of losing someone close to you will know, this re-focuses the mind somewhat. Subsequently, Dad and I had many delightful, heartfelt, emotional conversations, and one centred on what made him the man he was. I wanted to know, in his words, what he did to be so liked, so popular, so respected.
So, one evening in December 2003, I sat down with a frail but still mentally sharp Dad. I remember saying, ‘Dad, I need to know.’
And I’ll never forget that he grabbed my wrist, looked into my eyes, and said, ‘Nick, you’re so needy!’ And then he laughed. ‘But fortunately, you have everything you need.’
I didn’t really understand what he meant by that and he noticed I looked confused. So he said ‘Right, Nick,’ he said to me, ‘this is what it takes to get on with anyone and everyone.’
He said, ‘There are three Actions, three things you need to do to get on with anyone. Above these three Actions are two Approaches - not so much things to do, more like two approaches to help you win over anyone. And finally, there is one particular Attitude that can only help human connection. Three Actions, two Approaches and one Attitude.
Anyone can can use these skills/qualities/attributes to improve your relationship with anyone you come into contact with.
